It's All About Taste    

Words and photo by Lee Skidmore

Maybe it's a carryover from our repressed early childhood that only comes out when we're chock full of adrenaline and scared, but it seems that climbers can't stop putting climbing gear in their mouths. Why is it so?

The cynical among us might say that the mouth is useful purely as a holding device and nothing more, but surely this simple explanation doesn't tell the whole story.

What kind of gear lends itself to mastication? As we can see in the subject to the right, wires make an excellent lollypop. He's 30m up on Icehouse, but is more concerned about savouring his #7 than anything the pesky route could offer. Wires are bite sized, and they last forever. Some dentists drum up business by recommending a wire a day. DMM has taken advantage of this by calling their wires Wallnuts. Don't be tricked by the play on words - they want you to think of that neglected food group and chow down on their product. And while on the subject, who among us can resit a refulgent RP? They're like the dental floss of the gastronomic world of gear.

Slings and rope have a texture that can't be beat. You may find it surprising, but many climbers actually get addicted to the taste of rope. It's easy to spot the symptoms. They have a tendency to put the rope in their mouth before every clip. It's like taking a hit.

Brand new slings and rope right off the shelf are the domain of the hardcore gear chewer. The taste blows most people out of the water, but some just can't get enough, and will often be seen "browsing" the rack of tape rolls in the local climbing store with suspiciously multicoloured lips.

It's about time gear companies woke up to this fact. If we're going to put it in out mouths, why not make it flavoured? Within five years I believe we'll start to see peppermint ropes endorsed by the World Dental Federation, and Milky Bar wires that you can have between meals without ruining your appetite.

You'll know you've mastered the game when an #11 hex no longer makes you break out in a sweat.

Bon Appetite!